An Ironic Valentine
by BleachBurns
Summary: To Raven, Valentine's Day was just a day like any other. Or at least it was until she decided to help Beast Boy out of a little love jam. Who's his secret crush? How does Raven help him? If you enjoy irony as much as I do, you'll enjoy this.


Raven Roth hated Valentine's Day. Everyone knew it, and most people had learned to never try and convince her otherwise. To Raven, Valentine's Day was much too happy, much too fluffy, much too mushy, and most of all, much too pink. There was a time when she had been indifferent to the holiday, but after years of never receiving a Valentine's Day card, excluding the ones that were obligatorily given from one friend to another in the form of a card emblazoned with stupid sayings such as a bee proclaiming, "Will you _bee_ my valentine?" Raven had realized there was no use for the holiday anywhere in her life.

Because of this, it was understandable why the half demon felt the way she did when met with the abomination waiting for her in the common room of Titan's Tower. The moment the metal doors slid open and permitted her entrance, her eyes fell upon a ten foot tall Starfire carved completely from chocolate.

"What the hell is this?" She asked, stepping up to the statue and knocking on it with her knuckles. The sound that echoed back let her know that it was completely solid.

"Isn't it glorious?" The real Starfire proclaimed, stepping out from behind her chocolate double. Robin and Cyborg followed behind her, the former looking like someone had slapped him in the face.

"Yeah, glorious, that's exactly what I was thinking," Raven said sarcastically, "where did it come from?"

"Mas Y Menos dropped it off this morning," Cyborg said, smirking. He leaned down toward Raven and whispered, "Robin's pissed off. Watch this." He turned toward Starfire and shouted up to where she had flown to look at her statue from all angles. "Hey, Star!" She looked down at the metal man and he asked, "Where's the Valentine that Robin gave you?"

"It's around here somewhere," Starfire said, uninterested, "on the couch, I think." Raven looked over to the couch and saw a little stuffed bear clutching a rose. She looked over at Robin and saw that he was grumbling angrily under his breath. She laughed softly and Cyborg followed suit.

"How's your Valentine's Day so far?" Cyborg asked. Raven frowned.

"Same as every other day," she said.

"Oh, that's right," Cyborg cross his arms, "you hate Valentine's Day."

"I just find it pointless," she told him. He smirked.

"Not pointless for me. I'm waiting for a special card I expect to arrive at any time."

"From Bee?" Raven asked, and Cyborg nodded.

"That's right," he said, "now if you'll excuse me." Raven watched Cyborg leave the common room and looked around to find the only Titan she had yet to see today. She found Beast Boy seated at the kitchen table seemingly deep in thought. His eyes were unfocused and his lips were cast in a frown.

"What's wrong with you?" Raven asked, pulling out a chair and sitting next to him. He jumped slightly, caught off guard.

"What?" He asked. Raven smiled.

"Does it hurt to be that deep in thought?" He grinned back at her and shook his head.

"I was just thinking about something important," he said, putting his hands behind his head and leaning his chair back so that the front two legs came up off the ground.

"You looked kind of sad," Raven said softly, adjusting her cape's clasp around her neck.

"Not sad," he told her, "just sort of… I don't know." Raven quirked an eyebrow and Beast Boy got the idea that she thought he was crazy. "Well," he continued, "It's Valentine's Day, and I sort of…" he got quiet for a minute and a blush quickly replaced the green of his face. "…I sort of like someone, but I don't know how to tell them." Raven hummed.

"That is a problem," she said, "Who is it?" Beast Boy pushed back the chair too far and screamed, nearly falling backwards before a hand of black energy grabbed the back of the chair and pushed it forward, saving him.

"Thanks, Raven," he said, mentally chiding himself for being so dumb. He made sure not to lean back again.

"No problem," she said. Was it her imagination, or was he all nervous and fidgety? Whoever he had a crush on had him all worked up. "Beast Boy, who is the person you like?" She asked again.

"Uh, well, I sort of can't tell you," he said, laughing nervously.

"And why is that?" She asked. A mischievous grin pulled at his lips.

"You'll find out soon enough," he said. His eyes were filled with wonder and he seemed to be looking somewhere over her shoulder. She looked back and saw Starfire flying around her sculpture while Robin tried sneaking pieces off of it without her knowing. Did Beast Boy have a crush on Starfire? He wouldn't be the first. Or maybe… Robin? No, no, no, that couldn't be. Well, stranger things have happened.

"What do you mean you don't know how to tell them?" Raven asked. "Can't you just say how you feel?" Beast Boy frowned and thought for a moment.

"The thing is, I don't know how to initiate the conversation. I can't really just out and say it," he told her, catching himself leaning back in his chair again and quickly stopping. "This person is… different. I'm nervous and afraid I'll mess it up." Raven felt bad for the green guy. He looked so sad and desperate about this. He must have really cared about this person greatly. Just because Raven hated Valentine's Day didn't mean everyone had to hate it as well.

"Beast Boy," she said, turning her chair to face him fully, "I've decided to help you." Beast Boy's face was unreadable. She couldn't tell if he was for or against her help.

"Uh, how do you propose to do that?" He asked, hesitantly.

"Easy, just pretend I'm the person you like," she said. "Tell me all the things that you've been wanting to tell her." As an after thought, and because she really wanted to know, Raven added, "it is a 'her' right?"

"Of course it is!" Beast Boy practically shouted. Robin and Starfire looked over from the statue and Raven shushed Beast Boy.

"Okay, okay," she said, trying to hold in her laughter, "I was just making sure. That'll make it easier anyway. I'm a girl, remember?" She grinned, but Beast Boy didn't look sure.

"So I just… pretend?" He asked. Raven nodded.

"Everything you want her to know, just say it all to me for practice. It's as simple as that." Raven sat up straighter in her chair, waiting for Beast Boy to say something. He didn't move for a long while, and seemed to be mulling it over in his head. Soon, a smile had spread across his face.

"Yeah," he said, "simple, real simple." He turned his chair toward hers until they were knee to knee. "Okay," he said, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slow. He closed his eyes for a moment and then wet his dry lips. He was still for quite some time.

"I think she might die of boredom before you even get a word out, Beast Boy," Raven said, and Beast Boy frowned, opening his eyes.

"Okay, okay," he said. He took one more deep breath and began, "Here goes nothing."

Raven was taken off guard when Beast Boy reached out and took her hands in his own, gently massaging and warming them. He leaned forward until she could feel his warm breath on her face. It smelled of sweet cinnamon. Raven felt a sensation in her stomach like the one elicited by that first drop on a roller coaster when Beast Boy's eyes captured her own.

"Raven," he breathed, his breath tickling her face, "I really care for you. I always have, and I'm surprised you've never noticed before." His tongue moistened his lips and he continued. "I adore you, I worship you, and I wouldn't be able to function if you weren't in my life." Raven blushed deeply. She didn't want Beast Boy to see, but it was impossible for her to look away. "You are by far the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. I would gladly go blind if the last thing I could see was your face. My day does not truly begin until I have seen you in the morning. My day does not truly end until I have told you goodnight. My life before you is unimportant; all that matters to me now is finding a way to be with you forever."

Silence. There was not a sound to be heard within the common room of Titan's Tower. Robin's mouth had frozen around a piece of his stolen chocolate and Starfire had stopped flitting around her statue. Both of their heads were trained on a spot across the room occupied by Raven and Beast Boy. What the two of them were doing had them stopped in time.

"Robin," Starfire whispered, "are… are Beast Boy and Raven… kissing?"

"Yes they are, Starfire," he said, but the chocolate in his mouth made it mostly unintelligible.

Raven's mouth had attacked Beast Boy's. Everything he had said had meant so much to her. It had hit her right in the heart. And although she hated to admit it, it was a perfect Valentine's Day moment. That is, until she remembered that those words had not been meant for her, they had only been meant for practice. She had kissed him before even thinking. Raven pushed herself away from Beast Boy and stood up.

"I'm sorry, Beast Boy," she said, bringing her fingers to her lips. She was so embarrassed. Beast Boy didn't move, his face was frozen with his eyes closed and his lips puckered. She turned and tried to leave but a hand on her wrist stopped her. She looked back and saw a now standing Beast Boy with a dazed smile on his face. His eyes were shining brightly.

"I love you, Raven," he said. It flowed so smoothly from his lips.

"Beast Boy, we're done here," she said, "you got out what you wanted. Now go tell what you just told me to the person you like. It was… perfect." Her voice held so much pain. She tried to leave again but just as before Beast Boy stopped her, this time pulling her to his chest. She could feel his heart beating strongly inside him.

"Raven," he said seriously, "I love you." She blinked, apparently not getting it, and he repeated his words. "I. Love. _You._" Realization dawned on her face and Beast Boy's smile grew even wider. "Those words are yours," he told her, "everything I said I said for you."

"For me?" She asked. Rational thought was beyond her grasp at the moment. Beast Boy couldn't help but laugh at her speechlessness. This was the first time he had ever seen Raven at a loss for words.

"For you," he assured her.

"For me?" She asked again. Beast Boy nodded and leaned down, bringing his lips to hers once again. Bombs exploded behind Raven's eyes. Her body was no longer hers, it belonged to Beast Boy, and his hands and his lips were making her feel wonderful.

The door to the common room opened with a whoosh and Cyborg stomped in waving a slightly crumpled card in his hands. It featured a cartoon Bee and said "will you bee my Valentine?" Under it was written, "To my best _friend_ ever, from Bumble Bee", which was apparently not quite what he had expected.

"Valentine's Day sucks!" He shouted, "You never get what you want!"

Raven and Beast Boy's lips had separated for the moment. They were still pressed close to one another and their foreheads were pushed together.

"Sometimes you do," Beast Boy said softly, and Raven agreed.


End file.
